I was born into a non practicing Catholic family, and attended a Catholic school my entire childhood. I was told that I needed to repent, and be a good person in order to achieve the honor of being let into the gates of heaven, for this is what was promised in the book of revelation. For years I was so high strung about even the most simple of sins, and I would become distraught over disobeying parents or sneaking an extra piece of Halloween candy or lying about leaving my homework at home when I really just didn’t do it.
As I grew older, disbelief in this vision of the afterlife became more prevalent. I mean, why would God look down on me for having boyfriends or being in love? Why would someone who isn’t Catholic burn in hell just because they weren’t baptized? And then I began comparing Catholicism with other denominations. Turns out, we aren’t too far apart. Then I read a book that a medium had wrote and it was about her vision of the afterlife – reincarnation.
I began to wonder, “Could earth be the hell that God was warning us about? I mean, there’s so much evil upon earth that maybe he sends us here repeatedly to torture us?” Then those ideas turned into something a little less religious. Maybe we were reincarnated multiple times to help our soul grow. Maybe we came back as different people in different life circumstances to learn about what it truly means to be a good person. Maybe the Buddhists and Hindu’s were onto something.
I firmly believe that the “demons” placed upon earth really are just eternally bad. They’re here to corrupt our choices, torture our decisions and bend our will towards negativity. These people have no souls. They’re empty masses of evil and spark fear upon all those who meet them. I mean, how could someone who shares the same physical structure as me really be as awful as that?
Re-reading this is inspiration for a novel I began a while back, so really I don’t know how much of it I believe and how much of it I’ve sweetened up to become a great work of fiction. Either way, I suppose you could call me agnostic because my beliefs are conflicted. I guess I’ll find out when that day comes!