Reflecting on the Last 10 Years of my Life (Journalwithme#2)

Last week I shared 52 journal prompts that would help you in your efforts to document your life. This week I will be answering the first question in the series which is:

“Looking back on the person you were ten years ago, would you imagine your life to be as it is today? What has changed?”

Me at 18 years old.

Ten years ago I was an 18 year old girl who was just beginning her life. I had a vague sense of direction and some broad ideas of what I wanted to accomplish yet I didn’t have a concrete plan. My thoughts were jumbled and I tried to sort through them as I was in the process of self discovery as well as trying to plan for my future.

It’s hard to balance between these two thoughts because you know what you need to accomplish but it’s the process of figuring out how to get there that worries you. My plans were to complete university, begin a career, settle down with someone I love and begin a family. Little did I know that my life was going to throw a few curveballs and derail my plan.

I ended up leaving the university program I was enrolled in because I didn’t enjoy it. I found myself dozing off in classes and fumbling last minute to complete mundane assignments and for what? For the thought that maybe, just maybe, I would be able to find something relative in my field upon completion?

My mental health at this point was not good. I was weak with frustration at not knowing where my future was heading. I fell into a black hole, and I was torn between feeling pride and hating myself. I left my parents home and moved into the dorms thinking that this would provide me with more independence and a sense of responsibility. If anything, it made things worse because no one was there to hold me accountable for my actions. My home life was not the best at this point, and my worst nightmare would have been revealing to my parents what was really going on. I couldn’t stand the thought that they would think less of me if I told them the truth.

The only thing I had going for me at 18 was that was the year I began dating my now husband. Despite my mental setbacks, he always encouraged me and reinforced that I was smart, well read, ambitious and beautiful. He is my rock. That hasn’t changed.

I definitely wouldn’t have seen myself where I am back then. Today I am a mother, a wife who married that wonderfully supportive man, and an Early Childhood Educator. I graduated at the top of my class and I run a successful home daycare. I have worked on my relationships with my parents and with myself. I made myself proud of who I am today.

So no, I definitely wouldn’t have seen myself where I am today 10 years ago but now I can reflect back on the journey that shaped me to be who I am today.

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